If you read my last post, Beginning Again, you know that I’m finished with physical therapy and walking around like a champ. Well, I’m walking around like a champ that has to take periodic breaks because their leg gets real sore, but you get my drift. Obviously I’m very excited about my newfound mobility. I never imagined there was a downside to me walking independently again, and then one day I saw it…….my poor little cane, sitting in the corner, collecting dust. He looked so forlorn, like the kid on the playground that gets picked last to be on a dodgeball team. So I decided to make him a cup of hot tea and have the talk we’ve needed to have for sometime now. It’s like the Oprah/Lance Armstrong interview, but the cane told the truth.
Me: Cane! What’s up buddy?
Cane: (inaudible)
Me: Cane, I didn’t hear what you said. Could you speak up?
Cane (loudly): Nothing!
Me: Oh, OK, no need to be stern. How’s life kid?
Cane: Well if you really want to know, it sucks.
Me: Cane, of course I want to know. You’re my homeboy. You helped me walk. Remember the time we went to the mall? You’re the shiznit.
Cane: Were. *sigh*
Me: What do you mean were? You’re still the shiznit.
Cane: I just sit around, no one needs me anymore. The cats take turns rubbing their butt on me. It’s humiliating.
Me: Well Cane, I don’t know what to tell you. I can walk now. What do you want me to do, sustain another devastating injury to my leg?
Cane: Would you!?!?
Me: Uh, no. What happened to the mustache you decided to grow? That perked you up.
Cane: Perked me up until you told me it was way past Movember.
Me: I thought it was rather regal. It made you look younger. You should have kept it.
Cane: It was itchy.
Me: What about going for a drive? A good drive by the beach always does my soul good.
Cane: Uh, hello, no hands. I was all excited until I got in the car and couldn’t start it up.
Me: Oh, yeah, I guess I didn’t think about that. Sorry. What about the cats? Have you gotten to know them? Reggie’s not so bad.
Cane: Yeah, Reggie’s not so great either. We went crazy one night after you went to bed. I don’t remember much, but I will say this, if she ever bets you money to down an entire bottle of A.1. sauce don’t take her up on it.
Me: Oooooooookaaay. Cane, I’m really sorry you’re feeling low, but you’ve got to get out of this funk man. I know its hard feeling useless and not being able to get out and about, but you’ve got to find something to do. Oh, I know! Why didn’t I think of this earlier? I know someone that feels your pain Cane. Walker! She’s been locked up in my closet for weeks now. Let me introduce you.
Cane: I guess, but if this ends up like my night with Reggie I’m going to be pissed.
Me: You guys will get along swell. I just know it!
And if the photos I found on my phone later that day tell the truth, well, I’ll just let you be the judge of how well they got along.
I hope they used protection.
Mobility enhancer porn? I’ve seen it all. Glad to hear every thing is going great for you!
Now you know I will officially use any gag to get a chuckle.
And a chuckle it got. I was really feeling sorry for that cane. But his new lady….baby got back!
I literally LOL’d!
It is wrong that I was a little turned on at the end?
If it’s wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
Soooooooo….who took the pictures? I’m thinking you didn’t “find them later”. I’m thinking you took them. FREAK!!
Ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh. I have a reputation around here as an upstanding, ethical, moral woman! *cough cough* You believe that, don’t ya?
I did until I read this post. Pornographer.
One man’s pornography is another man’s art.
I thought they were the same thing. I guess you really DO learn something new each day.
Glad to hear your mobility is going well. All that hard work you put into your PT is paying off. How wonderful!
It is rather splendid, I have to say.
This is amazingly awesome.
That’s what the walker said.
Ba-dum-dum!
I think this is great! Let them figure out the Kama Sutra as your mobility improves more and more!
It’s a win-win, right?
Sure sounds (and looks) that way to me Fish.
That Reggie is a sly one! Poor Cane. I can understand why he feels forlorn. I had a walker too! I named him Johnny.
Threesome, perhaps?
Because you are a genius.
I like any story that ends with porn (between consenting objects, of course). Kind of my MO.
A good porn anecdote always makes me smile.
Walker is going to roll over in the middle of the night and crush Cane, but I guess the heart wants what the heart wants.
You can’t deny love, even if it might crush you in the middle of the night.