If you read my last post, Beginning Again, you know that I’m finished with physical therapy and walking around like a champ. Well, I’m walking around like a champ that has to take periodic breaks because their leg gets real sore, but you get my drift. Obviously I’m very excited about my newfound mobility. I never imagined there was a downside to me walking independently again, and then one day I saw it…….my poor little cane, sitting in the corner, collecting dust. He looked so forlorn, like the kid on the playground that gets picked last to be on a dodgeball team. So I decided to make him a cup of hot tea and have the talk we’ve needed to have for sometime now. It’s like the Oprah/Lance Armstrong interview, but the cane told the truth.
Me: Cane! What’s up buddy?
Me: Cane, I didn’t hear what you said. Could you speak up?
Cane (loudly): Nothing!
Me: Oh, OK, no need to be stern. How’s life kid?
Cane: Well if you really want to know, it sucks.
Me: Cane, of course I want to know. You’re my homeboy. You helped me walk. Remember the time we went to the mall? You’re the shiznit.
Cane: Were. *sigh*
Me: What do you mean were? You’re still the shiznit.
Cane: I just sit around, no one needs me anymore. The cats take turns rubbing their butt on me. It’s humiliating.
Me: Well Cane, I don’t know what to tell you. I can walk now. What do you want me to do, sustain another devastating injury to my leg?
Cane: Would you!?!?
Me: Uh, no. What happened to the mustache you decided to grow? That perked you up.
Cane: Perked me up until you told me it was way past Movember.
Me: I thought it was rather regal. It made you look younger. You should have kept it.
Cane: It was itchy.
Me: What about going for a drive? A good drive by the beach always does my soul good.
Cane: Uh, hello, no hands. I was all excited until I got in the car and couldn’t start it up.
Me: Oh, yeah, I guess I didn’t think about that. Sorry. What about the cats? Have you gotten to know them? Reggie’s not so bad.
Cane: Yeah, Reggie’s not so great either. We went crazy one night after you went to bed. I don’t remember much, but I will say this, if she ever bets you money to down an entire bottle of A.1. sauce don’t take her up on it.
Me: Oooooooookaaay. Cane, I’m really sorry you’re feeling low, but you’ve got to get out of this funk man. I know its hard feeling useless and not being able to get out and about, but you’ve got to find something to do. Oh, I know! Why didn’t I think of this earlier? I know someone that feels your pain Cane. Walker! She’s been locked up in my closet for weeks now. Let me introduce you.
Cane: I guess, but if this ends up like my night with Reggie I’m going to be pissed.
Me: You guys will get along swell. I just know it!
And if the photos I found on my phone later that day tell the truth, well, I’ll just let you be the judge of how well they got along.