When Words Are Scarce, Search Terms Are Abundant

I can’t possibly write another word about my hip or my limp or my feelings on either subject.  I’m officially sick of myself and my predicament.  Unfortunately, the only things going on in my life right now are related to both my hip and my limp.  The beauty of being a WordPress blogger is that when you are at a loss for words you can always find inspiration in your blog’s search terms.  Oh, they never disappoint.  So, without further ado, my take on some of the more creative search terms used to find this blog.

• “my surgery” - Who uses “quotation marks” in a “google search”?  Are you alleging you had surgery?
  
• jeremy wade is sexy - I concur.

Photo courtesy David Shankbone

 

• getting old is good or bad - Yes?
• why don’t hair weave come in 2/30 and 2/33 colors – I ain’t know.
• zofran cigna 2012 - Dude!  I went to that!  Best concert ever!!
• ordering an MRI though Cigna - Yeah, good luck with that.
• denied by cigna mri - No shit, Sherlock
• why does cigna deny my mri brain – Because they are greedy, heartless, kitten rapers.  I have no proof of that, but that’s what I’ve heard.
• bill nye is hot – I concur.

Certainly it’s not a traditional beauty, but the brain turns me on.

 

• bears screaming – Do the bears where you live take bath salts?  Are you on bath salts?
• my friend called me the C word – Well then they aren’t much of a friend now, are they?
• you make me hate people – Me personally or are you just talking in generalities?
• danny rolling sexy – No, no he’s not.

Serial killers are never sexy.

 

• unfetteredbs/sensuous; unfetteredbs/cock;  unfetteredbs/penis - Well, well, well, what exactly has been going on around here during my absence?

• sometimes life sucks sometimes – Uh-huh.  Got anymore nuggets of wisdom for us?  Rain is wet?  Pain hurts?  
• penny tration – Is that a porn name?  Now I’m really curious, because that would be a magnificent porn name.
• two turtles making out –  I hear Penny Tration stars in that one.
• my hip is acting up – Don’t get me started.
• thanks for the pity party – You’re welcome.  I aim to please.
• lipoma on hip – Been there.  Stop googling and see your doctor for the love of all things holy.
• lost 6 back teeth overnight – Holy shit, it’s called a toothbrush.  Familiarize yourself with one.
• slapdash TV show – One day, one day.
• canadian bottle rockets – Powered by maple syrup, no doubt.
• slapdash dying – The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
• swastika christmas – Rejected title for White Christmas, perhaps?
• 5 girls with there tits out – Hmmm, so many bothersome things about this search.  The one that really sticks in my craw, though?  T-H-E-I-R, it’s T-H-E-I-R.
• i think i’m a gay horse – 1.) It must be difficult to type with hooves.  2.) You’ve come to the right place.  We’re very accepting here.
• porn in 1938 – Ankles as far as the eye can see.
• how to write like Roald Dahl – Only Roald Dahl writes like Roald Dahl.  You need to write like you.

Roald would certainly want you to be you.