You’d have to live under a rock that’s inside a cave that’s on the peak of the world’s most remote mountain to avoid dealing with a retail worker. Once you deal with a retail worker you might want to live under a rock in a cave on a remote mountain. Now don’t get me wrong, not all retail folk are bad and I certainly couldn’t do it. If I had to be friendly to the world at large I’d get all Dexter and start Saran wrapping nasty customers to a table. Even still, is it too much to ask for some basic niceties when I’m getting my toilet paper rung up? I think not.
So I’ve compiled a list of some common sense acts of kindness I wish every retail employee would master. My list is only applicable in situations where the customer is nice. I don’t really care what how the rude ones are treated. In fact, throwing them out of the store wouldn’t bother me a bit. If I’m good to you, though, do me solid and be nice back. I’m not asking for much, just the basics. I’ve even pulled out the bullet points. So, please, retail workers, I beg of you………..
Look at me, not through me.
- Would you mind looking at me? I notice you have the thousand yard stare. I get it. Your job is kind of monotonous, but do you think you could glance my way? Not the whole time, mind you, maybe just once or twice. That way I know you know I exist. I might even shoot a friendly smile in your direction. Which brings me to….
- Do you think you could smile? Not a megawatt stunner, but at least slightly upturn the corners of your mouth. I might reciprocate, you never know. I’m sure the jackhole in front of me that let her children push all the buttons on the credit card machine while singing the Barney theme song at 140 decibels took some of the wind out of your sails. You might want to take note that I’m not her and, hey, a grin in my direction might brighten both our moods.
- Would it be too much to ask you to not chew your bubble gum in my face like that? Maybe you could keep the popping and smacking to a dull roar? I appreciate your willingness to keep halitosis at bay, but I don’t really enjoy watching you chew cud while you scan my merchandise.
Leave this for your free time.
- Might I be so bold as to suggest you not speak Creole or Spanish, or any other foreign language you may be fluent in, to the cashier next to you and laugh heartily while you ignore me? I suspect you’re talking smack about me and if I had paid better attention in high school I would be able to prove it.
- I know you have to do it per your employer’s request, but I just want you to know I don’t want to give you my phone number, my zip code, or my email address. I don’t have a super saver card, nor do I want one, and I don’t want a magazine subscription. Yes, I know it’s free. I heard you the first time.
- The bread goes on the top, and not the top of the ice cream. Warn me where the eggs are so I don’t pile the heavier bags on top and get home to find every last one smashed and useless. Help a mother out!
- Can you save the heavy sighs and eye rolls for another time? I’ve already been through that with my teenager and once was more than enough, thank you. What’s the next thing you’re going to do, tell me I ruined your life because I bought the wrong shampoo?
See, that wasn’t painful, was it? In return I, the customer, promise you a few things. I’ll do my best to have a shred of empathy that ringing up half-price bedding might not be your dream job. If the customer before me in line is a jerk I’ll try and crack a joke about it to break up the gray in your day. My cellphone won’t make an appearance during our transaction. I’m fairly certain you don’t want to hear me talk about my pap smear results with my best friend anyway. If you ask me how I am, I will ask the same of you. I pledge to thank you for your services and wish you a good morning, afternoon, or evening. It’s possible that I’m being a little idealistic, but maybe this way we can make the whole shopping process pleasant for both of us. Heck, it couldn’t hurt to try, could it?
Having worked 10 years of retail before landing the miracle job of teaching assistant (who, btw, does half the work at triple -sometimes quadruple- the wage), I get what you’re talking about… however, it definitely goes both ways. The polite customers are few and far between (being one myself, I can totally understand being frustrated with retail workers). Most people are too busy on their cell phones to even look at you or listen to basic instructions like “please swipe your credit card with the stripe facing out… no, the other way… the other way… THE OTHER WAY”, and others are downright horrible. Here is a dramatic re-enactment of a typical interaction that I faced as a barista:
Me: Hi Sir, are you enjoying this beautiful morning?
Customer: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!?
Me: Pardon?
Customer: You heard me.
Me: I… asked you if you were enjoying your morning?
Customer: No. You put the espresso in before the hot water.
Me: Um.. I’m… sorry? That’s the recipe.
Customer: I want the water in first.
Me: Did you ask for it to be made that way at the cashier?
Customer: NO!
Me:….
Customer: I’m a LAWYER! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!
Me: I beg your forgiveness. I’m so sorry that I made such an egregious error. Let me remake it. It will take less than a minute. Oh, and because I’m so very stupid that I didn’t telepathically know that you wanted me to make the drink a different way than its made to standard in all the kajillion Starbucks around the world, and you are so highly educated, have this coupon for a free drink. It’s on me next time.
Customer: *snatches coupon and grunts/mumbles something under his breath*
Me: *biggest smile known to mankind on my face* Have the bestest rainbow filled day sir. Thank you for not reporting my complete idiocy to my boss. Thou art most magnanimous.
This would never stop me from starting fresh with the next customer, however.
It’s easy to hate humanity when you work retail 40-50 hours per week. I don’t miss it and I hope to never go back! *shudder*
Wow. Sorry for the book
Yeah, there are some serious jerkwad customers out there, and it’s always in a Starbucks isn’t it? I would be fired within 30 seconds of that interaction, I assure you.
I actually quit and came back and almost got fired my first day because I just couldn’t handle the way I was expected to shelve my dignity and let people tell me I ruined their lives over a cup of coffee! I told a guy off in front of my boss… I just couldn’t help it! But normally I was a ray of sunshine, I swear! lol
Btw, I hope you don’t mind, but this has inspired me to go on a bit of a customer rant. I mention your blog in my post. It’s not published yet, so if you don’t want me to reference you I won’t! Just let me know.
Go for it!
I too was a customer service cashier in a lovely gift shop — all retail cashiers should be like me! I loved it there and it showed. It makes such a difference when you pass off good and positive energy. It’s up to the managers to train their workers this way. The cashiers in my local supermarket are super nice and attentive. Unfortunately the supermarket’s pretty shitty! Yes, and the bread, she goes on top!
Teen and I went into a little Buddhist shop when we were in St. Petersburg. The clerk never once acknowledged us, even though we were clearly buying stuff and when we went up to the counter she did the heavy sigh/eye roll thing. Oh, I’m sorry I’m the only customer in here and I’m actually purchasing things. Clearly she never read the Dalai Lama’s book, The Art of Happiness.
Me likes your list. I’m not rolling my eyes or snapping my gum and being general jerk wad. I am genuinely smiling at it. Since I worked in customer service and dealt with all kinds of crazy with a smile–albeit fake–on my face, I expect the same in return. Let me tell you, when I encountered a normal, nice customer, I felt like embracing that person.
I feel the same way when I get a nice cashier at Wal-Mart. It’s like spotting a yeti. I want to break out my camera and start snapping pics.
I used to make a huge effort to be nice just because i so enjoyed the shocked look on people’s faces! It’s such an easy way to make a positive difference in someone’s day if you deliver their burger with a smile instead of an eye-roll. As a bonus, being nice to people, and people being nice back as a result, really DOES make you feel better. However when it’s been an eight hour shift, and you have serious PMS, and your feet are really, really killing you…i’m sure you understand the smile can be a bit hard to muster. I would still go back to the job any day though!
Yeah, I can only imagine how hard it is. When I’m PMSing I can’t muster a smile sitting on my couch eating Oreos.
I am the total opposite.
Ignore me, talk to you bagger friend… as long as you barely acknowledge my existence, I will be 100% happy.
I don’t like having conversations while someone is ringing up my groceries… because of this, I try (whenever possible) to use the self-checkout lanes… and buy everything else on-line…
Complete strangers trying to make conversation scares the bejesus out of me…
We only have self checkout lanes at our Home Depot. I used them because there was never a line, which was preferable when Little One was really little.
Self checkout is the best invention EVER.
*if it didnt pay so little that you can barely afford enough food to replace all the calories burned with the smiling…
great stupendous list. I work with the public currently and my motto is KILL YOU WITH KINDNESS or else….I do not work retail but have and you are absolutely correct. My biggest pet peeve is the language thing
At our Wal-Mart practically every cashier speaks Creole, to each other, by yelling across the aisles. It’s the absolute opposite of awesome.
that. would. piss. me. off.
Fish, this is so spot on. I’ve never worked in retail but my sis has. It does work both ways, but some of the things you’ve mentioned I have experienced. Then I’ve experienced lovely people (like Sandee above) who’ve gone out of their way to be nice to me. I think it, what’s that saying, “comes from the top down.”
Although I did encounter a young woman that just treated an elderly woman so disrespectfully (rolling her eyes because she was slow, smacking her gum, talking with other cashiers who came to hang out around her and they were talking about another employee). I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone or something. BTW, that treating a senior citizen the way she did is SO gonna come back to her one day.
The cell phone thing — customers doing that is awful. A cashier once motioned for me to come up ahead of a woman because she didn’t realize it was her turn because she was talking very loudly about personal stuff on a cell phone. The language thing concerns me as well. Seems a bit rude to me.
My grocery store has consistently kind workers. That’s why I always go back.
I’ve never worked in customer service (to the best of my recollection) but I do know that some of dearest friends have and do. They drink.
Heavily I’m sure.
I smell FP on this post, Fish! I worked in retail ONCE, it was my first job after I got my work permit at the age of 14. It sucked. However, stores really do a sucky job of training their employees NOT to be the rudest people in the universe.
Aw, thanks Weebs!
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I’d also like to add, Please don’t look at me like a hippy-dippy patchouli-scented douche when I ask you to put my groceries in the bags that I brought from home. It kills me when they act like this is the biggest inconvenience in the history of store-dom.
Hahaha….I get the complete OPPOSITE in my town….everyone here is super eco friendly and we live in the hippy-capital of Australia, and i ALWAYS forget my green bags…they look at me like I am the Charles Manson of the Environment. I blogged about it so now I have all these people to remind me to take the green bags when i go shopping… it hasn’t really worked. http://lickingthebeater.wordpress.com/2012/06/13/eco-worry-er/
Yeah, I never got that they can’t figure it out. Um, it’s like the plastic bag only it’s not plastic.
Fish,
Blame Shan for piggy back riding you today topic wise… I spilled everything witty I had on her blog. Pfft, I should have came here first…
Le Clown
Well that goes without saying my dear.
Fish,
You’ve been added on Eric’s blogroll.
http://clownonfire.wordpress.com/blogroll/erics-blogroll/
Eric
Well thank you ever so much!
Great list, Fish! The cashiers at my grocery store are pretty good, but I have to question the wisdom of whoever hired the baggers. They don’t seem to understand what a reasonable weight for a grocery bag is. Either they put all my groceries into two 700-pound bags that I cannot possibly lift, or they (usually the teenage boys) think my frail 43 year old female self can only lift 3 ounces, and they put 4 items in each bag. Seriously, the other day one paper grocery bag had celery and a jalapeno pepper. And please, please, please don’t put Hubby’s carnivorous raw meat in the same bag with my lovely vegetarian fresh produce! Yuck.
Oh yeah, mixing raw meat and veg is a big no-no. You’d think it would be bagger 101, but so many of them don’t know.
The list could be applied just as easily here in Australia, I think these traits must are universal. One other I would add, don’t pretend you are too busy to even ignore my presence. I just love standing around in front of glass case deli counters endlessly admiring the produce. I know that stacking cheese in a highly visual manner is important, but bringing in the cash through serving people just might be esssential to capitalism and your continued dreams.
Yeah, at least acknowledge me and tell me you’ll be with me in a minute. It’s basic kindness.
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Much like genitalia, there are people on both sides of the counter who should never be exposed to the public. I’m sure someone loves them, but to everyone else, they’re offensive. I can’t believe I just started a comment with “much like genitalia”. I don’t think I should be exposed to the public either.
I think you should start more conversations with “much like genitalia”.
I’ll see if I can work it in at the next PTA meeting.