I look just like this only I have snot rolling out of my nose and Cool Whip all over my mouth. Also, I don’t have purple hair. My eyes are more blue, too. So, really this looks nothing like I do right now.
I just dropped Little One off at school a couple of hours ago. It was rather anti-climactic. I didn’t cry. He didn’t cry. The teacher smiled and Husband and I left. I shed a few tears on my way out of the school, but not much else, until I started going through my WordPress reader and found all those homeschool blogs that I followed last year when I homeschooled him. That’s when it hit me and I started bawling and had the urge to eat my weight in Cool Whip. It’s dairy free! The house is quiet, for the first time since I gave birth to that little rugrat. It’s painfully quiet.
I’ve been quiet for the past week or two. I haven’t been able to read and comment on your blogs like I love to do. Sure I’ve been more busy, getting the kids ready for school and buying two copies of Strunk and White’s Element of Style, because the first one we bought was the wrong edition. I’ve been busy finding out Little One may need glasses and that Teen got put into two U.S. History classes, the AP one they told her she was ineligible to sign up for and the Honors one she signed up for to replace the AP one. That’s not why I’m quiet, though.
I’m quiet because that’s what I do when I face an emotional blitzkrieg. I shrink into myself, much like a turtle retreats to its shell when facing peril. When I realized that I was doing it here, as well as in my life beyond the keyboard, I had a realization. I set out to write a blog of random thoughts, but wanted it to be authentic. Moreover, I wanted to have the courage to do that. I think I’ve dipped my toe in the courage pool and I continue to wade deeper and deeper still, but I have only been able to do that with the help of the amazing writers and readers I’ve found here.
So I figured instead of writing a “woe is me” post, I’d update my blogroll and thank some more folks who make me want to write more, read more, be more. Plus I could never write a better post about my worries letting Little One try out “regular school” than theadventuresoftransman did. That is why I had to Freshly Slap him. He had it coming! I’m also Slapping the hell out of Lame Adventures and 1800ukillme. There are so many more, but I’ll add those during my next nervous breakdown. Please, leave a link in the comments to anything that I should have read in the past week and a half, but couldn’t. If I haven’t said it before, let me just tell you how much I enjoy this thing we do here. Thank you.
Oh, parting with children — regardless of the circumstance or life stage or event — can be so difficult at any age.
My daughter is 14 and I was having a small breakdown at the thought of us having only 4 more years together under the same roof, before she’s out in the world and I become a place to visig 
I wrote a little bit about her dubios origins here last week, if you need a distraction. http://liveclay.wordpress.com/2012/08/15/dog-love-in-august/ Have a good week!
What a beautiful post. Those pictures are priceless.
Fish, what a beautiful, heartfelt post! You are the second blog I’ve read this morning about taking their little one to school. Have a good cry and treat yourself gently as you go through your “emotional blitzkrieg” and know that I so enjoy your posts — the humor and the humanness. Thanks for sharing and showing us (your faithful readers) all the multi-faceted sides of who you are.
Thanks Brig. It means the world.
Dear Fish,
You’ve just given me an idea: I too could eat my weight in cool whip!!! That may really help! As you may know, I just dropped mine off, too. And you are making me so thankful that I do not have any homeschooling blogging friends.
Yikes.
Today was my last woe is me my post.
I have some stuff in the works, and it may seem silly, but knowing that someone else is out there eating cool whip, helps a lot.
Love, Lis
xoxox
I just read yours a few minutes ago. I was too busy crying to comment, but I loved it.
Dear Fish,
Well, now I’M crying again.
This may be a good day for no contacts. Mine are starting to dry out.
We’ll be ok, right?
I was just contemplating driving by the school. I am a glutton for punishment.
Love, Lis
xoxo
I’d recommend Ben & Jerry’s to the both of you ladies as well. Just sayin.’
Eating my weight in anything (with maybe the exception of blood pudding) is my solution to sadness. I’m glad I’m not alone.
No haggis either. You are definitely not alone.
Group hug for all of you ladies sending your little ones to school for the first time. And yay to Transman, Lame Adventures, and 1800UKILLME for being Freshly Slapped! You have excellent taste, Fish.
I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. Believe it or not, I also go into Turtle Mode when I’m facing an emotional blitzkrieg. Sometimes you just need time to yourself to ponder things and regroup. So go eat your Cool Whip and know that it will be okay.
Meanwhile, if your eyes are bluer than the eye in that photo, you seriously need to take a photo of your eyes for us. Dang.
I’m laughing at the visual of me trying to get a good shot of my own eye. Thanks for the kind words Weebs.
<3
♥ back to you.
Its been a long time since I had to send a Little One to school, but your post made me remember those great days. I too remember crying even when they didnt! It made me cry today. Oh, they grow so fast! Hope you enjoy every day and every moment, no matter how hard it is. Thanks for sharing.
You know, he ended up having a good day so the tension has eased a bit. Even Teen’s day went fairly well. Hopefully I won’t waste my entire day worrying tomorrow.
Thank you for the shout out. That is so kind, especially since you’ve been feeling low. i hope LA has provided you with a chuckle. Sorry to hear that you’re suffering separation anxiety from The Wee One. Although I’m personally about as maternal as a porcupine, I have a niece that’s very important to me. My sister is going through empty next syndrome as she moves Sweet Pea out of the family home in the SF Bay Area to her dorm in Spokane later this week. When Dovima emailed me Sweet Pea’s new address I did what I never do, I didn’t screw up. I immediately added that address to my address book rather than be my usual boneheaded self and ask 217 times, “What’s Sweet Pea’s address again?” There are just certain times when you instinctively know when to lay off a mom and keep your inner dolt under control.
If you need a further dose of cheer, should the Cool Whip ever lose its charm, check out Kate Shrewsday’s blog from across the pond. I particularly love her posts about her dog, Macaulay, but soon, she’ll be adding a kitty to the family:
http://kateshrewsday.com/2012/08/09/part-the-725th-in-which-the-dog-tries-to-dig-hole-in-the-sofa/
Thanks. I’ll check that out!
Oh Fish! I hear you. I remember those days. Hugs all around. I’m the same as you, just shrink in on myself and wait for the cloud to pass. If it helps at all, at least your kids are in school. You could live in Oregon with one of, if not the shortest school year in the country.
xoxoxo
I feel like they keep making the school year longer here. I swear we’ll have year round school one day.
I would love year around school!!!
If it makes you feel any better, my kids aren’t even old enough to be born yet. That makes yours, and many other blogs so great. I feel like you’re helping prepare me for future endeavors.
Aw, thanks Brother!
this is a lovely post.. I feel your pain. I am wondering around my house– noticing an empty shelf in the bathroom, no towel on her hook, I wander to her bedroom– empty..no shoes flung on the porch. The quiet sucks– sucks the life right out of you. I am holed up in my room with my lap top and piles of books…. my cool whip is double stuffed golden oreos and coffee. I am with Weebles.. show us your blues baby.
Good luck…
A holed up Unfetteredbs
PS– she rocked the ROTC thing big time and is very very happy/excited
ps ignore the ROTC comment… wrong blog..sorry my mind is much
fuck== MUSH… gack I am out of here
Hahahahahaaha!
hey it is not nice to laugh at a fellow distraught mother missing her first born away at college for the first time…. (smile)
It’s done with love and out of empathy for I do the same exact thing, only it’s usually when I’m speaking to people.
laughing… yea I hear ya. I try to keep my mouth shut and now maybe I need to step away from the keyboard! Thanks for the smile
Cool Whip worries me. I don’t understand how it can be so dairy-like and yet so dairy-free.
Be that as it may, I completely understand your withdrawal. I tend to do that when I lose the funny. And I’m glad you chose to write.
I ruined the one tub by stirring it. I stirred it, came back and it was runny. It said on the side of the tub not to stir. What the hell kind of vegetable oil voodoo is going on here? And thank you.
I used to stir it all the time, though come to think of it, I stirred it with my finger and each stir went straight into my mouth, so maybe that doesn’t count. Now I’m going to have to go out and buy a tub to mix with some Jello so that I can revisit my white trash upbringing. It was my favorite dessert at the King’s Table Buffet restaurant.
And you’re welcome. You have a great “voice”. I think you’re funny as hell but I also enjoy your introspective pieces. And I identify with your subject matter. So there you go. Compliments and Cool Whip: taste great together. And compliments won’t get runny if you stir them.
Thank you! There’s nothing worse than a runny compliment.
Thank you for you kind words and giving people a link to the blog. It’s a big decision to send kids off to someone else’s care and guidance.
Your blog is one that I have grown more and more fond of every time I read it. Thanks for writing.
I really empathize with you sending the little one off to school — especially after having home schooled him. My sister has two preschool boys so now I feel like a surrogate mother living vicariously through all of you. I was a coward — I never wanted children because I’m too emotionally fragile. Thank you for putting me on the blog roll. Thanks for reminding me about the good parts of blogging, the sharing of ideas, and learning and stuff. Chin up!
It’s up, propped up by a tub of Cool Whip.
I was eating a lot of Cool Whip out of the tub near the end of my pregnancy. It’s the flavor of meh, of cutting the cord (literally and figuratively.) Hugs to you, Fish
It really does taste like meh and it leaves a weird coating on my tongue, but it’s dairy free so I’ll gladly suffer through.
Hello, I have nominated you for the Super Sweet Award. Details here; http://livinggoodandgreat.wordpress.com?p=333
Thank you so much. I’ll check it out.
I just eat a giant thing of Lil’ Debbie Zebra Cakes as fast as I can, then chase it with whiskey. It’s like an eff you to the woes.
Kidding. You’re awesome.
Thank ya, and I’m more of an oatmeal cream pie and Samuel Adams girl.
Mmmm sam adams octoberfest….
If it weren’t for my little rugrat to keep me on my toes, I would have bawled my eyes out this morning taking my big boy to kindergarten.
As if to reassure me, he told me that after his school is over this year (it’s a montessori school that only goes through kindergarten) that he’ll be doing his works at home with me. So, if his plan goes through, I’ll be homeschooling a first grader next year.
I love a man with a plan.
I gotta tell you, and many of the other people here, asking me to homeschool my son would be the equivalent of asking me to teach astrophysics at MIT. In Mandarin Chinese.
I once thought that too.